#2 Breadcrumbs on Attention

Help! I think Instagram might have killed my self-expression.

I’m coming to the gradual conclusion that the tidal wave of social media platforms in the last 10-12 years, Instagram specifically, has contributed to the slow, quiet, almost imperceptible, strangulation of my self-expression. Dramatic, I know.

There’s something about the app that, somewhere along the road from 2012 to now, zapped the fire in my belly that used to be my North Star. (And yet I’m still insatiably addicted.)

Contextual Timeline:

October 2010

Instagram was released in its early form. Not many people used it, immediately mainly photographers.

September 2011

I go to University to study graphic communication and from my memory, we weren’t all on the app at that point.

May 2012

My first ever posts to the ‘gram’. I then use it sporadically, attempting to look like a slick curated feed and failing at every turn. See Case Study 1 and 2 below for evidence.

Case Study 1: A classic of the genre.

This desire to have a ‘sexy’ feed, and of course the follower/likes/comments, is what I think led to the tragic burn out of my fragile North Star.

Case Study 2: Caption reads, ‘Fck da H8rZ’ - Hollywood July 2013

CUT TO

March 2025

Je suis very much addicted. An active member but not a regular ‘poster’. Not quite a ‘Lurker’, but close enough. I don’t do the right things to receive ‘growth’ for my business from the app, but I still sit in a scrolling paralysis until the sun goes down, dinner is overdue and I feel sick with guilt. Why?

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Making sense of why something with so much potential for good can be harmful.

Before I downloaded Instagram in 2012 my self-expression playground was my journal. Living up to the cliche of a 90s ‘arty’ kid with a relentless need to fill notebooks with diary entries; scrappy drawings, lines of poetry, cuttings from leaflets; and tickets from trains. All that time I used to spend reflecting on my feelings (my GOD did I have a lot of feelings) has slowly morphed into time consuming everyone else’s feelings. Next to other people, influencers and eventually brands, my little diaries felt superfluous.

Journals circa 2013

I became addicted to quick fix inspiration in a way that just wasn’t possible before. And Lord if you become a lurker (someone who doesn’t post or share, who just consumes content from the sidelines) it becomes increasingly hard to build up your ‘share’ button muscle.

The truth is I became gluttonous for the glorious content to the detriment of my own creative process. Happens to the best of us amiright? (I hope so.)

I know this is not a new concept, but come with me on this journey whilst I gently admit to myself that I DON’T THINK INSTAGRAM IS VERY GOOD FOR MY CREATIVITY.

🤦🏼‍♀️😭

I wasn’t aware of it at the time but all those journals represented a crucial part of my creative practice. My fiery belly of intuition that helped me work through the things I couldn’t understand was stifled by the finished, curated precision of other peoples’ feeds. Instagram somehow became a placeholder for my workings out.

Molly Simpson

has a beautiful essay that touches on the importance of the process here.

This isn’t to say it’s all Instagram’s fault. Of course not. But it’s been selfishly stealing my attention for far too long which is a habit I’m keen to kick in the ass.

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Looking back at cringe

Recently I found a manifesto that I had written for my final year Dossier project at University. The Dossier was part of our Personal Branding module (more on this at a later date lol) where we had to position ourselves in the world; our hopes, fears, dreams. I can’t remember if we all had to write a manifesto, or if that idea came from me, but when I think back to 23 year old me that wrote this Perfect Future with such an open heart, I feel I am the definition of c r i n g e. She was so optimistic! So at risk of disappointment! So earnest! So silly, really!

But that word CRINGE is something I am having to unpick for myself lately too.

Florence Given

puts it perfectly:

“Creating something and sharing it can feel so “cringey” because it’s your way of taking up space in the world. With each creation, article or post, you’re earnestly saying: no one asked for this but I have a feeling the world NEEDS this, so I have spent time creating it and am putting it out there anyway.”

Perhaps it’s that I limit myself, but for some reason I still don’t feel comfortable enough to be ‘cringe’ on Instagram. Which leads me to the question: if I am not using it for growth of my business, what am I using it for? It’s trying to be too many things in my life. Is it a communication platform or a comparison platform? A way to stay in touch or stay at the side lines? A tool of inspiration or overwhelm?

Am I going to delete it?!

Probably not.

I dunno.

Maybe?

It’s certainly a liberating thought. The only thing holding me back is losing touch with wonderful people I’ve met over the years that I don’t connect with outside of the app. My hope is that this newsletter will allow for that flow of conversation to stay strong in a way that feels authentic, deeper and more meaningful.

Well, now that you’ve read my Perfect Future I feel vulnerable and liberated and silly all at once. Please share yours!

I’d love to feel less alone in the cringe.

Keep Daydreamin’,
Luce
💫